Hanson's TRY to host a fun two family event in Cozumel

So, Tonnie has been such a sweet woman to our family and such a good friend for many years. So, Dad (yes, Dad) thought that it would be fun for us to take them to Mexico on a nice Cancun vacation. I agreed, and it was decided that we would take Sam, Tonnie, Sara and Tyler. Sam took Cameron and Kohl to Hawaii a few years ago. Sara has never even been on a plane.

So, we had purchased the one week trial vacation at that very beautiful place in Cancun. Well, of course we don’t book too far in advance due to Dad’s job, thus they said that they had a wonderful property in Cozumel (an island right off of Cancun) that we could have a 3 bed-room there instead. That is what dad decided to do. I went on-line and looked at the property, you know Photoshop eh? And it looked beautiful, but didn’t seem to have a beach. So, I called my contact and he did a 3-way conference call and we spoke with a guy "Louis" that swore they had a real, roll in the waves, build sand castles beach. My contact, Jose, heard this and said that if we got there and weren’t happy with it, he would personally see to moving us back across to the beautiful (4 pool, all new, granite gourmet kitchen) place in Cancun. That made me happy and I thought all would be well. We would have an employee at the airport to pick us up and take us to the Ferry to go across to the property.

So… Tonnie has a flying phobia that she was determined to have in check so that her family could have this experience. Dad receives a call and says that he has to speak in Mexico City on Monday (we’re flying in at 9:30 pm on Sunday) and so he won’t be there for an additional day. Also, Paul had gone with dad to spend time with him. They left 2 days after the family reunion here in SL.

We get on the plane and Tonnie, is upset but, she was quiet, no one could tell, she’s not going to make a spectacle of herself, but was so scared that we all felt sorry for her. I had Delta let Sara sit in the cockpit and announce over the PA a welcome to Sara on her very first flight. She was cute and just kept saying how much fun it was. She wants to go sky diving now. Oops!

We arrive in Cancun, finally find our guy and we have the snorkel bag, plus a bag of food. See with this full sized kitchen we figured we could save a thousand dollars on food, by cooking for ourselves like in Park City or Hawaii. And Sara has some food allergies. So that was the plan.

The guy takes us to the Ferry place and points down a brick/cobblestone road and says the "Ferry is that way and leaves in 12 minutes," and we still have to buy tickets with pesos (no American money or credit cards accepted. Luckily we had exchanged about $180). Tonnie says she feels like we’re missing a bag and Sam goes to look and the guy, says no he has them all and slams the door so Sam can’t look. Okay, so we’re dragging all of these bags (no cart or help) plus the snorkel bag is a monster. And we finally get the tickets get to the ferry and check the bags, okay, we ARE missing a bag. MY carry-on bag with my camera, iPhone charger, movies, jammies etc…. I’ve got that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that it really is missing and I’m praying that it’s really just been checked and will be on the ferry (like they thought it was someone else’s and gave them the claim ticket or something crazy like that), even though I have that horrible feeling and don’t actually expect it to be there, but I’m really hoping. Nope we get there and the bag is gone, in Mexico. Was it left at the ferry ticket counter? Did someone just grab it in the ferry line? Can’t figure it out but it makes me pretty sad.

I just prayed for comfort that I would somehow feel okay about losing an expensive bag, 3 of dad’s favorite movies and be able to replace my camera charger. I knew that praying for it’s return would be wrong and what I really needed was just some peace in that it’s really just stuff.

We then have to pay for an unexpected cab ride to the property and we check in. okay so this place is like 20 years older than the one we purchased at. Then we get to the room. You know the 3 bedroom we bought with the full sized kitchen, 2 balconies each with its own hot tub? Nope an old 2 burner stove and 10 inches of granite between it and the little bar type sink for a toaster and coffee pot. NO room, certainly not a full sized kitchen and no way Tonnie and I can cook for 8 people in that. I had brought some spaghetti and sauce for that evening as I knew we wouldn’t have time to hit up a store like the Sam’s club in Cancun that we usually do. (this place doesn’t even have a store close to a smiths, let alone a Sam’s club). All dishes are under the sink, there is no hot water and just no way to do this.

We take a little walk and no beach. There is a wall against the sea and steps down into it. NO BEACH! No sandy beach. The Louise guy completely lied on my conference call. They have sand for some chairs to sit on and about 12 cabanas, a volleyball area, a very small pool and well, that’s it.

So, I decide that I’m not happy and will call Jose and get moved back to Cancun like he said he’d do. AND!!!! The last ferry is at 10 so dad can’t make it or change his flight so he’s hosed and we won’t see him until Wednesday now. Thus, by moving back to the Puerto Moreleos property he can just come to where we are from the airport Tuesday night. No trying to find accommodations for one night and no 35 minute ferry ride.

So nothing we can do but spend the night. We do the dishes and decide to take hot showers and go to bed. Toilet is clogged in Tonnie’s room. Guy comes up and fixes it. oh and no hot water. They shut it off at 11 and turn it back on at 4 am. ??? seriously?

Fine, we go to bed. 7:50 am there is this pounding right on the wall. It’s outside, they’re hammering off the stucco so that they can re-stucco, but it’s on the wall outside my room! I call downstairs and get the on-site manager named Dedrie and she says that she’ll talk to Jose and they’ll move us to Cancun. She hears the hammering. She will call me in an hour. Okay so hammering is going on. Tonnie and Sam are laughing so hard they’re crying because this is in my room right by my head. I was laying in the bed with the covers up to my nose, you know the heat and humidity so swamp cooler on full blast kind of damp and cold, but it’s too hot to turn off. I’m stewing over the fact that my bag is stolen, my one method of communication with Dad is cut off as my iPhone (only phone that will work) is now dead and the charger is in the bag and I can’t talk to him. I’m thinking that this is NOTHING like what we purchased or paid for. The relentless hammering and I’m staring at the wall trying not to be sick over the bag, just praying that I will be able to move on and accept that it is stolen and just get come comfort and peace in that fact. I did get a text off to dad explaining a few things. So, the lady calls me to say that she’s not been able to reach Jose, but she will call me when she can and she can hear the banging. So, we come downstairs to talk to her and she says that she’s aware that their facility is nothing like the one we looked at, but she is working on moving us to Cancun (good because then dad won’t have to spend the night there and then catch a morning ferry, he’ll just be with us and they have kitchens) Until that is done she gives us wrist bands to give us all the food and drinks we want for the day and to enjoy the day there. Okay, hour later, they can’t move us, they are at full capacity. She offers to discount the food and drink passes about 25%, offers to have dad and Paul picked up at the airport taken to the Cancun facility stay in the showroom then taken to the ferry in the morning. I am supposed to talk to Matthew and decide what he wants to do about that. So, I find a guest with an iPhone charger and she lets me borrow it. They move us to their penthouse, it’s still old, but 2 stories, 3 huge bedrooms and full kitchen, 2 beautiful balconies overlooking the ocean. We spent the day there and it was peaceful, no screaming children, the pool had 3 people in it. I’m reading, this is the planets 2nd best most healthy reef just under the great barrier. Hmmm. So we go snorkeling, I taught Tonnie and Sara how, Tyler learned when we took him to Hawaii. More fish there than in Hawaii. No lie! It was amazing and the water looked like it was about a foot deep the night before, it’s more like 6-8 right off the dock, it’s so clean and clear.

So, I’m supposed to talk to her in the morning and let her know what we’ve decided. Well since the other place doesn’t have any rooms and I don’t know where to move to, because she say’s if we really want to leave we had the free night and day there and then they’ll credit back all of it and we can come at another time to the other property. So, I make the decision that since we have a good discounted deal on food and drinks (all you can drink eat etc. for a discounted rate) that it’s a pretty good deal, we couldn’t cook for that. Then with the fact that she’ll have dad taken care of and delivered to us the next day and he won’t have to pay for his own accommodations. We decide to do that, since I had a charged battery now. So that is decided and I’m supposed to talk to her in the am with this decision. Okay so morning comes, I go to talk to her and ‘she’s in meetings" come back in 20 minutes. I do and she’s still in meetings. Right…. Well then Jose calls and he has MADE them boot someone and we will have our room in Cancun. However dad is in horrible meetings now on Tuesday (got extended) and I can’t talk to him to see if he wants to change the plan back!!!! Arugh! So, I decide that the snorkeling is so amazing and it’s like we have the place to ourselves. No hurry for a cabana and since it’s not busy the pool isn’t an issue. It’s an island and no public beach, secluded, little crime and it feels safe. I have also mentioned that I think the driver kept my bag.

So, finally they come to the pool to get me Dedrie is on the phone and I say that they’ve kept telling me she’s in meetings and we haven’t eaten or anything because I still hadn’t talked to her and now they have a room but I can’t talk to Matthew until that evening (Monday). She’s now upset because they were supposed to call her on her cell phone due to the urgency of our situation. So I think the staff was told to be nice to us. Other people would ask for stuff and they would tell them no. I ask and it was okay Mrs. Hanson.

 Later I find out dad has been e-mailing and demanding that they take care of his wife and family  he’s such a Man!

So, we decide to start paying for the food at noon the next day right when Dad and Paul should arrive. They do pick him up at the airport but when he arrives no one knows about his room. He yells and they have a room. But they are showing the lockout room as they are showering in the main one. Too funny. Ok, urgent message. The "pajama bag" has been found! This guy named Thomas will give it to Matthew in the morning before they take him and Paul to the shuttle. So, Paul goes to get the bag ~ no one has a clue. Matthew sends him back and finally after Paul learns not to take no for an answer, they find it. yay. So Dad and Paul finally arrive that afternoon around 1:30. So, Paul isn’t feeling well. But goes to the pool and we buy our arm bands and there we go. (an expense that we didn’t count on by the way), but there you go. If we had moved to the other one the food is a mandatory cost but I can’t figure out why because they are the ones with the good kitchens. Go figure. Okay and it wouldn’t have been discounted.

Dad has my bag and everything is in it. I guess Dedrie called it a pajama bag so that it would more likely be returned and they searched the guys van ~ hmmm dunno what to think about that. But never the less it was found. I was really bugged about it as it has a little journal in it too. What a "miracle if you will".

So, dad has to work and finally gets to the pool after we have a nice lunch. Then we swim a bit and have dinner. Paul ate about ½ of a burger and a few fries. Dad has major trouble getting the internet to work in the lobby as it’s not available in the rooms. So, Paul can’t get out of bed in the morning. Fever of 102.7 and it’s not going down with Advil and Tylenol. We decide to buy some antibiotics for the stomach that are available at the little drug store next door. Imodium, Pedilyte, Gatorade and water … nothing is helping. So whole day in bed hoping that hydration will help and these new antibiotics. Next morning, nothing has changed. My mind is going to the Cozumel hospital and hoping that doesn’t happen so Dedrie calls a doctor in and he is pretty direct. She said he doesn’t have a good bedside manner, but he’s a good doctor and takes care of most of the diving accidents and has a hyperbaric chamber. So, he gets me on the phone and is very direct that of course nothing I am doing is working because I’m only treating the symptoms not the cause and oh, with this strong of a bug only a cold shower for 30 minutes (timed) will work and not 25 if he’s complaining, he will complain because it will be cold, but 30 timed minutes. AND he’d better have that shower over by the time he arrives at 10:30. Okay then. So, dad gets him in the shower, poor kid was so hot and just sleeping and his back was hurting badly (that’s the fever mam). The fever is now down, because of the shower mam and he gives him 3 prescriptions. So, this is SO NICE Dedrie sends her husband to get the medicine. Paul begins that about noon. He is feeling better by that evening, but not good enough to get in the pool as the doctor told him to.

The doctor needs paid, in cash. Did I mention I don't use cash? Never have, I buy soda's with a credit card. I have always used a credit card or a room key for everything, NEVER cash. Well, I used every peso I had. Smartly the Ashley's brought peso's, we used all of theirs too for the doctor and medicine. I don't even have a pin for the atm. Another lesson I had to learn. Ashley's however, had a pin. Kindly they used their vacation budget on OUR medicine! The main point of this whole excursion was for us to have some wonderful guests, fun people to chat with, our children have fun. I was hoping that they had fun while with the exception of the last day and 1/2 after Paul started to feel better, I didn't. I think I was too focused on being hostess, making people happy and comfortable and to top it off, this place being what I had thought and said it was. I needed the extra 5 day's for MY vacation :) it would have been fun to stay.

In the meantime. Ashley’s are having fun. Tonnie is talking to everyone on the beach and making friends, (she's really good at that), Tyler is sad that Paul isn’t able to be with him, but he’s playing nicely with George. Sam is wandering around the property, snorkeling now and then, but seems to be enjoying. Sara gets her hair braided with beads on the ends. I got to swim and snorkel with dad for a bit and then he was back to work. Tonnie and Sam got some calls from home, but then things began to get worked out there. Tonnie took about a thousand pictures. That was Thursday. Friday Paul was feeling well enough in the afternoon to come down and play a bit of volley ball. A girl seemed to like him. We went snorkeling and the current pulled in a school of little jelly fish. We all received stings (Sara and I got one each the day before), but dad was being amazing. He was trying not to get pulled by the current under the rope and keep George from being pulled and then he was batting Jellies out of the way so they wouldn’t sting George, but he still received 3 small ones. Dad got about 16 and one huge one on the back of his leg and silly man touched fire coral with his leg. I got 7, only one was really painful for hours and welted up badly. Dad’s was huge and Sam got a nice one on his stomach. Tyler had some and Sara had a few small ones too.

Dad and Paul dived down seriously about 15 feet to touch an anchor it was part of some wreckage that is now reef. We saw star fish, sea urchins, anemones, hundreds of different kinds of fish. Sponges, sting ray, sea horses, corals, conch shell snails it was amazing and beautiful. Quite the little gem and turns out a nice little secret. The building is old and the accommodations are lacking a bit. We had the penthouse and it was really nice but I think some of the others are a bit lacking. Who cares?! You have a private beach area (no shore breaks) but amazing easily accessible reef. We have decided to return. It was so stressful for me on many levels, missing my husband, worrying over a very sick boy, worrying that our guests were not having the time of their lives. I was so worried that they weren’t happy with food; worried over my lost bag, sad that my nice husband who provided all of this was still working away in an un-air-conditioned lobby still working away to keep our family fed and a roof over our heads.

Now, keep in mind, the view from the balconies was spectacular. There were over-the-top sunrises and sunsets. The largest cruise vessel pulled up Royal Caribbean’s Oasis of the Seas, it was enormous and quite beautiful for a man-made thing. The sun was hot, the pool cool, the staff nice, the food pretty good, the people were all really fun, it was safe and comfortable and then I can’t even begin to describe the beauty, variety and wonder of this reef. It was in the truest sense of the word utterly amazing. We will return. I will be more careful with bags, and be more prepared for the events maybe carry a little bit of cash. But, I will take the children that didn’t get to go there and I know my two youngest son’s will want to return as well.

Tonnie did much better coming home, if we keep her in the air she might get this conquered. However, did I mention hubby has a problem now too? He has to have his air on full blast, eyes shut etc., so developing a phobia after years of flying is kind of weird.

Think I’ll make this a blog post as well as a Journal Entry.

Twenty-six Years

Today, is my 26^th year anniversary. My husband is out of the country, it’s his job, I’m not bugged, … really, honestly, … I’m not, well okay, sort of. It’s his job. It is what keeps a roof over our heads, our children fed, the heat on, food on the table, you know, it’s his job. The job of providing which I allow him to do, wouldn’t want to take that away. J And, honestly, I can’t do that job as well as he can.

I do so wish he were here and we could do something fun, even just send the children over to friends homes for the night and stay up watching fun movies and eating popped corn! We’ll postpone it for another night. We’ve had to do that many times before. But, it doesn’t mean that I don’t miss him, or wish he were here. I do, but I also can prioritize and not act like the baby that I feel right now.

When I really put things into perspective, I realize that he is giving me a great anniversary present, peace of mind and the fact that he actually puts forth all effort he has in providing for his wife and family. He’s a good man. I’m so happy that he is and that I married him. I feel so lucky, so blessed, so happy that he loves me and I love him after 26 years and so many trials. We’ve survived and come out on the other end ok, actually happier and in love. It could have gone so many different directions. One particular trial that almost ended my life, and still to this day on a daily basis hurts. However, it had little to do with him, but our little family was literally attacked, and from within, how scary is that? But, we’re better for it, my children certainly are better for it, even though it causes me daily pain. Never from my husband or their father though. It’s made us a strong family unit.

Now, let’s not get too “ooy gooy”, I love him, it doesn’t mean that we don’t ever disagree or always “like” each other. We do disagree, but he knows then who I am and I know who he is and why? It’s because we share our disagreements. If you never disagree or resolve, then how can you know those things, are there some couples that are always forever on the same page? If they claim to be, I think it’s a lie, or they’re so shallow that they have no depth to share. I can say this, it’s MY blog!

Oh well, so there you go, lessons to prepare, house to clean, shopping to be done, work to do, real paying work to do too.

And … no “call to missionary work” for my 18 year-old yet. Pin’s and needles there…

Happy Thanksgiving!

One of my friends says that “it’s a good thing she doesn’t drink”, I think I’ll ….

Sound the Alarms

4:09 am bright blue flash, bright enough to wake me up to the power going off; power on one second another bright blue flash in the sky; lightening? Power off.

5 minutes go by, I can hear an alarm going off in my basement. Uhho, the water alarm for my sometimes flooding window well. I thought, I’d better investigate, but no electricity, dark basement, creeped me out. I got the dog, flashlight, cell phone, and pepper sparay; then set off the security alarm. Ok I got that turned off and was heading down stairs when the phone rings, lucily I have one that works without power in the kitchen. It was the alarm company wanting to make sure everything is ok, it’s nice. So, I’m asking if an alarm will sound in the basement the whole time the power is out. She said yes. However, the power has gone out before without that happening. So, I thought I’d better check the window and the alarm wasn’t coming from the window but inside my furnace room.

So, now I’m thinking that it’s a backup security alarm letting me know the power is out, even though it has cell phone technologie for just such cases. I decided to go back to bed and hope the alarm quit.

I can’t sleep with a steady alarm going off in my furnace room, so I’m thinking about that and then wonder if it’s a CO¹ detector. I don’t want to open the door, but the detector isn’t going off upstairs. I don’t have a way to double check CO¹. Thus, a “non-emergency” call to 911 get someone with a dector in the house.

2 minutes before the firemen arrive the power comes back on and I think that the alarm will go off. So, I reset the security alarm no luck.

Yay, firemen here and I open the door and set off the security alarm again as they head downstairs. I get that turned off and they call me downstairs. One is standing in the furnace room looking at the ceiling, we can’t find the alarm until he kicks it. It IS a water alarm. In just perfect timing my water conditioner was recycling and we have a sump pump for the basement, which doesn’t work without electricity. I’ll have to remember not to flush a toilet down there with no power. So, the brine water flooded the furnace room and I still haven’t gone down to see how badly or how much soaked carpet I have. I just can’t face it.

So, the nice firemen leave and I reset my security alarm go to bed and now I have a smoke alarm chirping away because it thinks it needs a new battery.

Now, wake-up alarms go off on radios and clocks. We all have a backup alarm set on our phones, so 3 phone alarms go off to wake me up; it’s not necessary because I’ve been awake since 4:09.

I’m really tired of alarms going off, but there’s a reminder bell then the door bell; I have to go now.

Spider nest the size of a gum ball!

Last night I looked above the door casing to my bedroom and noticed a white ball atop the casing the size of a gum ball.

Now, I don’t know what size of spider would make a nest sac that huge, but it freaked me out. I got the Raid and sprayed until it was dripping on to the carpet (paper towels now catching what I could). I watched, waited … nothing.

I decided that the Raid had to have done it’s job and an hour later, I took tissue and picked it up and quickly flushed it. I didn’t want to squeeze it, but it felt a bit “rubbery”. I wondered; does Raid do something to spider silk and make it rubbery?

I went to bed imagining a mad mother spider after me, or a thousand little babies walking on my ceiling and then dropping onto my bed. I tossed and turned and didn’t sleep well.

This morning, my 10 year old say’s; “so Mom, was the spider nest pink?” No, it was white, why? His reply; “I was catching gum in my mouth and one time I tossed it up, but it never came down.”

Okay.

Summer …

What has happened to the summers of my youth. I remember waking in the morning, not too early, and not having a plan. No one in my neighborhood seemed to have a plan. Sometimes you’d just go outside and see who was playing and you’d join in. We buried feet, made mud pies, ran through sprinklers, pestered ant piles, caught butterflies (until we found out they would die if you touched them), took long walks to the “little store” and bought penny candy for real, a penny.

After starting the summer off traveling much too much! We did have an incredible time, however. We finally have the summer I’ve been dreaming of. A few family reunions down and none left to go to. No, sports, no music … just books! So, now the summer is ours! Yay! We’ve had a week of waking up to decide what to do, maybe … nothing?

Weed the garden, mow the grass, do some patio/garage/porch sweeping. Hang out at the pool for a few hours.

Here’s another thing, only two people have actually called me that didn’t have to for a reason. L and D. Yep, that’s it. I think everyone has such complicated lives and busy summers so full that they have no time to just call and chat for a bit. If they lived closer to me, I’d bet we get together at one house or another for 2 hours to sit in the shade and drink sour limeade or iced green tea. I miss you guys!

As it is, everyone around me are overscheduled, entertain their children like no tomorrow and I’m just wondering why more can’t come over to play with lego’s or “little guys”, or run through the sprinklers, that’s fun too.

We’ve had some bright moments. Nathan and his best friend did just the above, but only once so far. Andrew has had two little buddies come over and not turn on a monitor of some kind, Andrew has also had the wonderful experience of going to the hospital to play with an ill cousin, they play with little army men and I like that so much more than a screen game. They talk, they interact and have real fun. The pool in the afternoon for a few hours is a blessing too. My children have taken the opportunity to walk up to our “little store” and get a few things, stopping by the park to enjoy their spoils. They’ve had a few fun bike rides (seems pretty hot for that now), but it’s nice.

I love long, hot, un-eventful summers, at home.

Sigh… I’m packing for a trip. Really, I’d rather stay home, my children would rather stay home, my husband would rather stay home. Sometimes you must go, on season, (we like to travel off season). We have a wonderful wedding to attend so that will be nice. In the meantime, the garden will grow weeds, the grass will need to be mowed. I hope I don’t forget to stop the milk man! He doesn’t like to find a weeks worth of exploded milk in my container J

When Little Ones Fall Ill

Nothing overshadows the worry over a sick child.

I think one of the things I’ve observed with friends, children of friends etc… with any type of cancer, is the length of time, before you know if the treatment is working. You can’t decided if time is going too fast or slow.

Three people I know that had a type b lymphoma's have been considered cured. So, I like that and it’s reason to be very optimistic. Still, the fear of the worst lingers.

I know what it’s like to be home one day and be reeling at the Children's Hospital the next. Trying to eat something off the “parent cart”. They have an excellent chef at the cafeteria there and yet the food is just a nuisance to have to consume each day. The difference is, that with the exception of my husband, when I didn’t know what his outcome would be for over 3 weeks, that I usually had some solid answers within 24 hours regarding a sick child.

My darling sister-in-law will have her best resource with the support groups at the hospital, for parents in her shoes and the mothers that come in that have been in her shoes. People that say things like “I wish someone had told me ….” and "something that I found helpful".

I just can’t imagine because cancer is so unique, so she’s in, I think, the best place for all. I have high confidence for her son in their hands as well as family support for them, from the hospital I mean. I know they have “family” support as in all of us and people to help care for their other children, but they need people that have been there.

They know they are loved, that there is an enourmous amount of concern for their family. They know there are prayers being said in their behalf by hundreds in numerous places around the world. They are a faithful family.

I'm at a complete loss for words, I guess I just wanted to make a "post", since I'm not a good blogger. I post this because I want to "DO" something, anything, but, there is nothing I can DO, except offer prayers, support, love ...

Because, really, I want to just "fix it', just like everyone else does.

Oh, how I wish I could!

A Single Incident in the ABC Family

A Single Incident of Multiple Perspectives That Is

Introduction

I’ll be Barb, the mother in the ABC Family. Andy is the father, Conner is a male and the oldest child. Derrick is the second oldest, then Eddie, Frank and finally Greg the baby (9 yrs). They are all male, except of course me, Barb.

The Incident

ABC family is headed toward their hotel after a lovely evening. There are 6 members of the family, only Derrick is missing on this evening. The hotel is quite a walk away after the evenings events, but not far enough to justify hiring a cab. So, it’s a nice jaunt, but not daunting. There is a point in the walk home that I (Barb) fall down. That is the incident.

Frame of Reference

Perspective is a complex thing. Our each individually formed frame of reference, influence, colors and shapes our experiences. I’ll try to express that when I can. However, hey the only frame of reference I have is MINE! History of experience is also what creates our frames of reference. So …

History

Andy has at times in the past taken me on a walk down a street on which he was familiar and I was not. Thus, I, trusting Andy, felt that the street was safe because, why would he do anything other than keep me and his children safe? Well, on more than one occasion, Andy felt as though the street was safe, but as I walked along, I saw dark alley ways, bushes, and I had small children in tow. I didn’t feel safe, but I trusted. After expressing my dismay, Andy pointed out that there was a police station right there across the street. Ok, fine it was there, but not a cop to be seen and the street was still deserted, dark etc. I have to admit, that I was still not comforted and still feel like the street was not safe for my children. Thus, a seed, just a seed of not distrust, but difference in perspective. What I see as safe is not the same thing as what Andy sees as safe. This senario has been repeated many times in our travels.

Thus, the multiple occasions over the years have actually solidified this, I’ve been down many streets, paths etc, that I didn’t feel were safe enough.

Conclusion A) I don’t always agree with Andy on what is a safe area. He does know this fact. Conclusion B) I do trust him, I do know that he is much more confident than me when navigating new cities and he actually is familiar with more cities and places than I am. Therefore, I have the trust factor going high but still the seed of my conclusion A to contend with and re-assess each time I’m venturing in Andy’s footsteps down a new path.

Pace

Andy walks fast, knows where he’s going and often doesn’t share the directions with the rest of the family, he is determined in his quick step and we follow, like ducklings. Because, well, none of us know where were going or how to get there so we keep up. This can be a task as Andy often slows to tell us to keep up or catch up. As I said, he has a quick step and we’re all eager to keep up and keep in step and “not lag”. Lagging does not make Andy happy and we usually want to keep Andy happy, not just, because he’s a bear when he’s not happy, but we truly love him and want him happy and un-cranky with our slow progress.

“Lagger”

Lagger, that’s not a good thing in Andy’s family. It’s true too. Laggers get lost and behind or hold up the entire group. You may not get your place in the Space Mountain line if you lag too far behind, or you could lose sight of the group and get lost. So, don't stop to admire anything, without first notifing Andy because he'll keep going and not notice you're not there.

Topography

Another problem is sometimes the topography of the street itself. Sometimes there are potholes, un-even sidewalks, an in the case of in the middle of the street, there are islands to navigate and even worse sometimes cobblestones which are not good for any size of heel, or bricks. There are even new bricks that are made of cement, and then died and polished to look like brick. These are slippery when NOT wet.

Route

Andy may take a route that I may not be comfortable with, but I’ve always survived them before. It’s usually the pace that get’s me into trouble, running across streets against the light (we’ve had more than one “discussion” on that topic alone). He’ll also cross in the middle of a street.

Route only known to Andy

This is another phenomenon in our family. We all think that Andy has an internal compass, he often even is quite proud of that fact. He does. Really. He often times will get us to our destination with only his intuition to guide him. He’s usually very reliable and thus we often follow and don’t even ask the plan, the route or at times even the destination. So, this is not new or something that someone should ask me, why I didn’t speak up sooner. You don’t question the route! "He knows".

Conner

Conner is my oldest son. He has been down many streets with his father. Andy has given him on many occasions free reign to wander or to find his way. Through cities, airports etc… I am gaining confidence in Conner as he has had a good teacher.

Shoes and Women or Me

I like shoes. I like shoes with heals and shoes that make your legs look pretty. It’s important because I’m only 5’2” tall. I’m short! My husband is tall. Therefore, there are two things, there, I like to be a bit taller for him, so we don’t look so much like Mutt and Jeff and second, it’s helps my short little body not look so short or short and fat if you will.

I do have some experience with walking long distances in heals. It’s not always a positive experience. Therefore, I have devised a few methods. 1. Take a pair of flip-flops along for the walking part. They will fit nicely into a plastic bag in your other bag. 2. If you’re going to walk but not that far. There are some other options. Actually lower heels, like 2 inches or a shoe that has a small platform say 1” and a 3” heel which still means that you’re not standing on your tippy toes, but still have the feel of a 3 inch heel. To a female mind that sounds reasonable, at least it does to mine.

Then the pant leg issue, you have to have heels that keep your pant legs from dragging on the ground and no flats are not business like attire.

Incident Detail

This particular evening, yes it’s dark. Andy, in keeping with his unusual route and no clue as to the topography of the street, he heads forward at a fast pace in order to get through the course as quickly as possible and onto safer ground or streets, hey maybe one with a sidewalk attached to it, or even street lights.

ABC family is on the move, on the way back to comfy beds!

This route had those nice new died slippery bricks. No sidewalk, no lighting and the cars were busy. When the sidewalk ran out, Andy saw his chance to hurry and cross before the light down the road changed. He could make it safely across holding the hand of the Greg. He had left Conner in charge of Barb, they’ll be fine. But Conner, sees that Andy raced across the street, he sees that there is an opportunity before the oncoming cars of the newly changed light will be there. So, he decides that now is the time, he certainly doesn’t want to be a “lagger” either. No, he changes his mind; there really isn’t time and he thinks that, "that car isn't going to stop" (Conner has confirmed that detail), so back onto the side he goes. Barb, on the other hand saw the cars, wanted to keep up with Conner, but oops there come the cars and Conner is back onto the side of the road. One quick step backward, except the foot that stepped forward, now slipped on the slippery brick and down I go. Both knees, the right one harder and my right hand catches my fall. Playbills on the street, I look up and there is the car. Will he see me? Oh, no I realize, I’m only wearing black, what else to you wear to a nice dinner out? Black is the only color. Then I think Conner is there maybe he’ll stick his hand out catch the drivers’ eye and he won’t run over me. My thumb has jammed between two of the bricks and it feels broken. Nothing else hurts though, its adrenaline, fear and hurry and get up and out of the way.

I’m hurrying to get to my feet, but really, if the car doesn’t see me, he’ll hit me, I realize. Conner is there helping me up, he’s stressed, he’s helping, picking up the playbills, as I look at the street to see if my backpack has emptied into the center and stuff fallen between the cracks between the bricks. . The lights stop well short of running over me too and the car beside it must see because instead of racing around the stopped car, it stops too.

A car horn sounds. It appears I’m safe, Conner has my hand we’re crossing in front of the now stopped cars, I shrug to the honk (wherever that came from).

Embarrassed, that is a word.

Glad to be alive washes over me, see in the moment, my thought wasn’t fear, it was “I hope that car sees me”. That was all I had time for. I look up in time to see Andy’s head turn from me back to our Greg holding his hand. It appears to me it was in disgust. I think now though, that was all he saw, the end of a stumble, me to my feet and all cars stopped. He actually missed the whole thing. I didn’t’ know that then. I thought he saw the whole thing. What kind of a man would just turn in disgust and keep walking. What happened, to handing his son’s hand to the other older boy and running across the street to help me across, what if something else hurt, like my now filthy blackened knees???? What if the love of his life was actually hurt? What if she was frightened? So now I’m feeling really sad, didn’t he care?

The group. The group is made of males, greatly influenced by the Alpha male and his inability, due to being a male, not to understand the whole “shoe thing” of the lone female of the pack.

Immediately, there are words echoing in my mind. I wore some shoes in NYC and in the rush (the pace we walk at), I stumbled. I feel another time in NYC, hole really an actual hole in the sidewalk. I had a funky heel on another shoe and fell in an airport in China, only I had my husband’s arm and he caught me. He said I should change shoes. However, then there was a pant leg length issue and I couldn’t wear shorter shoes. Those only have a 1.5-inch heel.

Thus, everyone now has a “Mom’s shoes” frame of reference, except they don’t know why there is this issue. They’ve never explored the whole “shoe thing”.

So, I look and everyone is walking along at the normal fast clip. No worries, “she fell … again”, are the thought in my head.

Then some actually words from the peanut gallery. I can’t even remember what they were; just that there were not comforting words, or are you ok words, but “shoe words”.

I’m feeling like every one in the male groups is actually angered that I fell. Not worried a bit about me. My knee hurts, my thumb is throbbing, I just need to keep walking, because my hip hurts … why didn’t he stop for me, put his arm around me? (later I know that it’s because he didn’t actually see the whole thing), but for now, those are my feelings.

It get’s worse… Now still no sidewalk, cars are stopped at a light. So, Andy decides to cross in-between the traffic that is stopped. Maybe because there isn’t a cross walk at the light, I don’t know. Only 60 to 90 seconds have elapsed since my face was frozen in the headlights. So, there they go, whole alpha male’s group through the cars and onto the island. “Will cars be turning in this empty lane, I think as I make sure not to trip on the island, and step into the street on the other side”

There they are all across the street now and the light has changed and cars beginning to move behind me. I keep walking, I have to, I’m hurt, but not so hurt I can’t keep moving.

“Stop, come back, let’s talk about this, no one is mad at you!” he say’s. “Stop”? I think? Go back, which means I have to take even more steps and I can see my destination. I have to keep moving so I don’t cry and my hip doesn’t quit moving. I can see the hotel, the end is near, why would I stop.

“catch up to me and we’ll talk, I say”, I can’t stop. No one cares WHY I can’t stop, they must think it’s me being stubborn. It’s ok, because I can’t stop.

They catch up, and I say ok, “what did you want to say?”, nothing. Silence. So, how do I interpret THAT? Are they really mad, I thought he just said “no-one” was mad, and yet here he is and he won’t talk to me. Does that me that no one is mad, except, him?

Ok, we’ll march, we go into the hotel. No one is talking to me. No arm is around me wondering how badly I’m hurt. Conner is the only one who saw me in the street, he didn’t even actually see the fall.

My thumb hurts so I have it elevated to stop the swelling and throbbing. Ice? No, because I have no way to keep it on there and it will just melt and run down my arm. Maybe I can sleep. No one is talking to me… then …

Time has gone by and “do you want some ice?”

What? Now you’re talking to me and when I wanted to see what you wanted to talk about after you caught up to ME… zip … nothing.

No, I don’t want some ice. How about cleaning off my knees they’re black with street dirt.? How about, did you get hurt anywhere besides your thumb?

Or what about “oh, honey, I’m so sorry you fell, what happened?” “really, I didn’t see that car almost killed you, you must have been so frightened, here let me hold you close and I’ll hold your arm up so your thumb doesn’t ache.

Nope nothing.

So, anti-anxiety, motrin, ½ ambien, I’m good. Goodnight, actually I fall to sleep almost immediately.

I’ve always been alone. I’m an only child, actually, my psyche is used to it. I have no friends. I do nothing with anyone. I have no one that knows me except one person and she lives out of state. So there you go. No one. Zip. My one and only can’t really get all of this because, well ... he’s a he. So, in this case my only friend wasn’t being my friend.

He’s my only true friend. I have other people, but if I don’t call, I don’t hear from them, oh except the one in Colorado. I have two women that I consider friends, but they have full lives, with their own sisters, brothers and family that really take a lot of their time and oh, they have other friends too that they really spend time with. This is my fault, I don’t need another friend other than … Andy, but when he’s not there … well, there you go.

The next morning, I’m expecting things to be a bit better. We have a nice uneventful day planned. Nothing big, just hang out by the pool and then off to meet friends for a nice dinner and a fun evening show.

Feeling Fuzzy – not the same thing as Groovy

Boy’s head off to breakfast, I decide to skip it in lieu of a nice long hot shower over my aching body. Now my neck is the thing that hurts the worst. Not that I hit it but because those muscles go into full force trying to keep your head from slamming into the pavement (bricks at it were). My mid back, hip and of course can barely move my thumb. The acrylic nail is lifted from the bed, but not broken and nothing is bleeding from it.

Ahhhh, hot shower then off to the pool to lay by and listen to the boy’s chat, swim, play etc… I’ve lost 40 pounds lately and I’m getting used to this new body in more ways than one. I take an anti-anxiety because I’m still greatly up-set over the emotions of the last evening. Andy is off to a meeting, so there you go. Hmm, time to get moving, pain. So, I’ll take another anti-anxiety and an extra ½ just for good measure. I am by the pool after all. And oh, there are these really good back medicines that work wonders but I usually only take them at night because, well you can get a bit dizzy. So, I want the 600 mil. of Motrin, that will mean I have to take 3 of them. No clue what the other stuff does other than, relax muscles, it’s OTC…

Turns out it’s all too much. I think it would have been too much had I not lost 40 pounds, but that made a huge difference. I get my brain relaxed too, so I also get emotional as Andy still has no remorse for his behavior the night before. Now, let me say that I haven’t even expressed to him that he should have remorse. It still hasn’t occurred to me that he didn’t see me fall. He didn’t see the car, he didn’t ask either how I was feeling emotionally. So, I told him only I was mad. How could he just keep walking?

So, emotions boiled over, and only as I write this and try to figure out his perspective, do I find myself realizing that he just didn’t see. Can’t fault him for that. Maybe, I’ll let him read the story and he’ll get only my perspective, because, after all, that is ALL I know.

I’m sure there is a lot more to it, especially his end. But the Motrin stuff did take away the pain even though my head was really fuzzy, I can’t even tell you what I had for dinner. As a matter of fact I can't remember anything from the pool to the beginning of the evening show. Did I talk to anyone? Seriously, zip, I don't remember. Conclusion C: NEVER take 3 of those again, alone, OR mixed with anything.