Life Seasons

We went to dinner to celebrate my eldest son’s birthday. He is 23 now. I am sitting there, looking at him, and remembering this newborn baby. A baby that I just couldn’t get enough of. I would watch him sleep, hold him, and I was just amazed at how beautiful he was, and that he was mine. Well, he felt like mine at the time, I knew he wasn’t really in the eternal perspective, but for the time being, he really was mine. Mine to love, to nurture, to teach, to hold and on and on.

I can so clearly remember his birth; I can visualize him in his crib at many stages of his rapid growth. His first birthday, with a bit of over the top presents and a cake just for him to get everywhere.

I remember every stage, every season of his life and how it meshed with mine. His struggles were mine (still are in a very strong sense), his triumphs and milestones.

So, looking at him across the table and discussing the latest paper he is writing, he is such a young adult.

I realize the influence I have had on him, the influence and great parenting of his father. The responsibilities learned from living in a family where in order to provide his father was away much of the time. I honestly believe in quantity of time as well as quality time, but his father has been a great father and a true example of a man … of the man my son will become. Even in his often, absence he has exerts great parenting long-distance. I’m very grateful for e-mail, IM, Skype, cell phones and videophone abilities. We can’t physically always feel his hugs or arms around us, but I can assure anyone reading this that we feel his hugs, we feel his love, there is no doubt. My son has also taken a great personal duty in being a good big brother, and in many ways emulating his father. Oh, did I mention that I love this man? J

I could list my son’s worldly accomplishments, GPA, Eagle Scout, elections won etc… All of those pale in comparison of the kind of man, father and husband he will become. I so hope for the best of him in those areas, as he is not yet at an age for those things, or I hope he’s not for a while. (I do admit I look forward to grand babies!)

So, it is as I watch my children’s seasons pass, and mine pass right along with them.

I have children in other seasons, so I’ll enjoy those too.

I cannot believe I am old enough to have a son his age; it has just been so fast. What have I done with all of my days? I am sure many have lacked greatly, but when I look at him or one of my other children, I think my days have been well spent.

Civility, Journalistic Ethics

I’ve noticed for over a year now that people are getting “rude and downright nasty” when it comes to discussing political issues.

Most people have their mind made up, but are only aware of one side of the story. How can that be? Journalism at least ethical journalists present an unbiased presentation of both sides of the story. People recently are make statements that are so biased, that it’s easy to tell that they have only grasped or been presented with one view, and they believed it. They have been shown unprecedented edited video, but never the un-edited version. Why didn’t they seek out the other side of the story, it seems unwise to me. However, in their defense, general honesty is what we could expect of mainstream news sources that we’re presented with in the United States at least, well, until a few years ago.

I get a queasy feeling, WHEN SOME ONE IS TELLING ME SOMETHING THAT BEGINS OR SEEKS TO CREATE CONTENTION, OR STIR HEARTS TO CONTENTION, or FEAR which is the opposite of FAITH. That is my first blinking neon light in my brain that something isn’t right, something isn’t Christ-like.

Sometimes and usually where I am, it’s a member of my congregation, family, or church that does this. However, what if it’s a popular nationally recognized person, a person of influence and stature? My first comfort came when Dieter F. Uchtdorf’s spoke this past Easter Weekend. Read it yourself. We have responsibility to love one another, and do unto others... (you know the scripture). We have a responsibility to feed the hungry, take care of the less fortunate, sick, and needy. It is our Christian duty.

I was so excited to read his talk I went to the website and found the most comforting press releases. http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/commentary/the-mormon-ethic-of-civility and then Http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/commentary/journalistic-integrity-and-the-compartmentalization-of-ethics

ok this is the radio station that I listen to. The one that has some common sense journalistic ethics as a standard.

Now I know why, I was confused (again, it was a stupor of thought), thus wrong. I had someone actually say that he didn’t know how anyone that belonged to a certain Party could honestly answer questions to receive a recommend. Wow! If you read those two articles you’ll see why this was … well, whatever it was. Maybe this man is also not so clear on the 12th Article.

Ok, so now, I feel better, and I know why a bad feeling comes when things are wrong. The contention, the strife, the unease, THE STUPOR OF THOUGHT, versus the peace that comes with civil dialogue and exchange of reasonable ideas.

NPR does a great job and it sometimes gives insight into people we know, love and want to help. I don’t always agree, but it helps me to be compassionate, kind to those that are different – even if I don’t understand them. I broadens my perspective and makes it easier to spread the gospel because it helps me to be less judgmental. Oh, I think there was counsel given on that very subject as well!

They’re good reads; I encourage anyone to read publications published with authority. Or engage without malice in the conversation of exchange of ideas, and dialogue dedicated to commonsense solutions.

I know quite a few people that could benefit from this right now. I’m sure you know a few too…. Enjoy the reading! It’s comforting – the opposite of fear or contention. ahhh peace.

... and she never complained ...

Where did that come from and I want to know what husband said that!

I also what to know how it is that, not complaining is seen or said as though it’s some sort of virture. Doesn’t the person that say's that just mean that “she” never “complained” to him? Maybe it’s my interpretation of complain. It’s not the same as “nag” to me.

It’s sharing honest feelings, emotions, heartaches, sadness's, wishes, hopes and dreams for a better tomorrow.

I can say that my husband honestly knows me, who I am, who he married. He knows me and loves me, if he didn’t know all of those things, then who does he love anyway?

I think it’s important to share. Now sometimes, it becomes a “vent” and I will preface what I say as a vent if it’s a vent. It’s not blaming anyone for a situation, because you all know that things are what they are.

I’m sad when my husband leaves and when I “complain” that he has to go again, he never thinks that I actually think he can do something about it. He’s doing the very best he can. He’s doing the very best he can for ME and our children!

So, you may think that I complain when he leaves and I do, but it’s not a bad thing just the expression that I wish he didn’t have to. My complaint actually lets him know that I so wish he didn’t have to leave.

I’ll also “complain” that I’m always on the front line, but there’s that Queen of the Castle thing that isn’t so bad either. Now because I’m on the front line, even if he’s home and the garage door breaks it’s fixed by someone else the same day, I know how to get some things done. He’s happy about that.

So, I right now am feeling sad and complaining that we’re not independently wealthy and that my husband has to work so much and so far away most of the time. I like him in near proximity sometimes. He’s always near to my heart and I can talk to him everyday. I feel lucky that way, not everyone can talk or communicate everyday with their loved ones. So, now my complaint has turned into an expression of good fortune. Yay, I’ll get to chat with him shortly.

Now what I don't usually complain about are things that he can't fix or give me advice on. Like work. We have an understanding, if you need to vent, say that and then go ahead and vent. But if it's something he can't fix or give me great advice on and visa-versa then it's a waste of our precious time to discuss someting that is frivilous to the other, we'd rather discuss WHAT TO DO with this or that problem. I think we're pretty good at trusting eachother to manage our rehlm - him the providing - me "nurturing". There are strong overlaps for anyone that knows us, but he can do his job, I can do mine.

A little solicited advice never hurts sometimes either. So, balance in all things, I guess and I have just been bugged all day, because I've read or heard that phrase and now I know better why it may be my misinterpretation and it surly means "nag" to someone. I don't know, any ideas?

Technology Overload or Maybe Under-load

I sometimes try to teach different software applications to people. Many times, I have had someone, not always older either, become frustrated and feel overwhelmed. They can’t even ask a question, because they can’t figure out what their question is. All they are aware of, is the fact that they “don’t get it”, or are missing something.

I know that there is an underlying piece of the puzzle that they just don’t “see” or “get”. I understand that. That is why I’m usually able to walk them through, hold their hand, until all of a sudden this little light flickers and then suddenly comes on. They “get it”!

Today, I have experienced the same thing. I have been working with iTunes. You know how Apple has this slogan “There’s an App for That”? I’m here to tell you, that it’s a lie. I spent awhile at the “Genius Bar” and guess what, there’s NOT an “App” for about four things that I need. "They" said that Apple finds the simplest way to do something and then trashes the rest, because it’s redundant. Therefore, we’re going backward, if you don’t want to do it their way or if they don’t do it, you can’t do what you want.

I wanted something simple, like sort my “Notes” on my iPhone alphabetically. See, I name them so that I can do that … nope! Latest used is on the top. It doesn’t matter that I just want to go a step farther. I should be able to do that, but only if I want to, nothing required of everyone, just “if you want to”. Well, I “want to” do some easy things and they just said no.

I’ve also heard the term that “Apple works”, is that a ploy on Microsoft’s application suite called “Works”? Because, that isn’t true either.

Ok, so I’ve named names here, Apple, Microsoft, iTunes and iPhone. Here is a question for cyber space, why don’t my text messages and appointment alerts announce through my Bluetooth anymore? I’m fixin’ to take it all back … 30 days, no way, 2 week return policy. See, once you figure out it isn’t you and that there aren’t apps for what you want and some stuff it just won’t do, it’s too late.

So, if you know of an App that will read my texts or appointment alerts automatically through my phone or Bluetooth (which ever I choose) when it comes through, so that I don’t have to look at my phone, please share it. I feel like I’ve gone backward 10 years, not a step ahead.

It could be me and I just don’t “see”, but those people with a tag around their neck titled “Genius” could not “see” either.

Signed,

Frustrated!

Micro-Manage/ed

I feel like I'm mostly competent in the areas that I have to manage. I confess, I am a recovering micro-manager. I'm trying so hard to delegate and let that person, run with the ball. I figure, if they need assistance they'll ask and not just "drop the ball".

Sometimes, I like to be micro-managed, tell me what you want accomplished and exactly how you want it done, IF THAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU. I'll do it that way. However, if I am assigned a task, I can do it, if I can't, have a questions or need help, I'm not afraid to ask.

I mostly don't enjoy having someone micro-manage my tasks. If they wanted it done their way; they should outline "their way" so I have something to follow, or they should do it themselves. Especially; if they're a "hard to please" person or a perfectionist of some kind (since perfection varies from person to person).

This again goes to all of those areas we find ourselves managers. Not just work, but home, community etc...

If you're a micro-manager, work on it, most people don't enjoy it. I'm trying, really I am. The first sting came when one of my son's called me a "control freak". Yep, that's what he said. I thought, "am I really?". I've also taken some informal delegation lessons from my friend Alicia, who doesn't read this :)

Just some thoughts there.

Reality - Weight Watching goes up

I've realized that when my husband is home, I tend to gain weight. Why do you suppose that is?
I have my theories on it. I also know what some of the problems are. I've now posted a not to buy list, but that didn't help so, I think I will never let him go to the store, even for milk, he usually buys something that he knows I love. What a sweetie ...

So, as I manage weight, I'm open for any hints or things that work for others.

Now, about "being real".

It's good to be real. The people that only write about rosy lives and perfection drive me nuts. Mostly, because, I know they're leaving a LOT of things out and they're not being honest. We love to write the accomplishments of our children, but when the tone is that of perfection, it just doesn't fly.

Don't get me wrong, I love to hear about positive things and good choices. It's when everything just sounds all too perfect that you know, it's not.

How about this one, it's typical in management of all sorts. All is well in my department. Why, if it's not? Good management, speaks up, they get adivce, they try new strategies, they make changes. If you make a mistake, it's okay, just own it before it becomes a disaster or very sad failure.

When I say management of all sorts, I mean, Work Managers, Home managers, Church Managers, ALL sorts of Managers!

We all need help now and then to keep all of the plates spinning too. And, by the way, so what if one breaks - there's glue. You just do the best you can.

I've also learned that you don't have to look very far, to be very happy with your own problems. I finally counted my blessings and wrote them down, I read them when I don't feel like I'm accomplishing enough. They make me feel better. So, one thing at at time, I'll look for help in Weight Management and search for advice from the cyber universe.

So,be the best manager you can be, be honest with your work force (children, friends etc..), transparancy is always the best policy - better than honesty, because by not saying something, it's still dishonest.

Just sayin'...

Queen of the Castle

It's been awhile!

When hubby is home, we’re so busy. He left for awhile, I’ll now get to bed on time. The first few day’s he only found 1 expired salad dressing. The last day he tore son #5's room completely apart. Everything out of every drawer and out of the closet and bookshelf. son #5 tried on clothes until he was blue.

I think this is part of ruler of your domain, King of your Castle, kind of thing.

Hmmm, maybe that stack of pants on the top shelf where he can’t reach them, is for him to grow into, thus …. Already, um, organized! I just let him have at it and guess what? He didn’t finish. So I have a hall full of stuff. He left only enough hangers in his closet for what was hung …. And took them all to a downstairs empty closet. Oh, except when I finished the wash I had to make two trips downstairs for hangers!!!!

It’s funny now but not then. Geez.

There is a reason they work outside the home. I’m a firm believer men provide for the family, have domain over the outside of the house and it’s upkeep, the garage, their car and storage room. Oh and if they can, they can cook the meat. (hunt it and kill it too for all I care.)

If they were to organize a kitchen, the pancake turner would be in a cupboard across the room from the stove.

Oh and they are definitely in charge of pine wood derby cars.

Actually, I’m only saying what I wish were true.

I have made all 5 of the pinewood derby cars. My dad tried to help with the last one but when he put the axel in the wood broke so we had to use son #4's car (which I made) and dad drilled holes in the bottom and filled them with lead to bring it up to weight. Son #4 came in toward the bottom and son #5 came in 2^nd of 13 boys’. So, I had some help this year. They didn’t even re-paint it.

I usually bbq the meat, until son #2 recently took over.

I also schedule the outside maintenance or the boy’s do it. (they mow, but I have to hire tree guys). Hubby does do the garage when he’s home. I do the trash with the boys sometimes. I take the car in (since we only have one J) and I do the storage room since son #3 failed in that position.

So, I do it all, including working outside my house which takes about 14 hours a week even though I only get paid for 8.

And… and … soccer L

It begins again … sigh

Oh sigh…

Practices with an Englishman for a coach … so extra long practices “men”

“don’t be a ‘nancy’ RUN! Down field”

And … the freezing cold, no parking, early morning SATURDAY (for crying out loud) games. What is wrong with these people????

Such a great venue to post a vague vent. I think this is what cyber "space" is for ...

no one reads this ... maybe an alien in 10,000 years :)

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