Twenty-six Years

Today, is my 26^th year anniversary. My husband is out of the country, it’s his job, I’m not bugged, … really, honestly, … I’m not, well okay, sort of. It’s his job. It is what keeps a roof over our heads, our children fed, the heat on, food on the table, you know, it’s his job. The job of providing which I allow him to do, wouldn’t want to take that away. J And, honestly, I can’t do that job as well as he can.

I do so wish he were here and we could do something fun, even just send the children over to friends homes for the night and stay up watching fun movies and eating popped corn! We’ll postpone it for another night. We’ve had to do that many times before. But, it doesn’t mean that I don’t miss him, or wish he were here. I do, but I also can prioritize and not act like the baby that I feel right now.

When I really put things into perspective, I realize that he is giving me a great anniversary present, peace of mind and the fact that he actually puts forth all effort he has in providing for his wife and family. He’s a good man. I’m so happy that he is and that I married him. I feel so lucky, so blessed, so happy that he loves me and I love him after 26 years and so many trials. We’ve survived and come out on the other end ok, actually happier and in love. It could have gone so many different directions. One particular trial that almost ended my life, and still to this day on a daily basis hurts. However, it had little to do with him, but our little family was literally attacked, and from within, how scary is that? But, we’re better for it, my children certainly are better for it, even though it causes me daily pain. Never from my husband or their father though. It’s made us a strong family unit.

Now, let’s not get too “ooy gooy”, I love him, it doesn’t mean that we don’t ever disagree or always “like” each other. We do disagree, but he knows then who I am and I know who he is and why? It’s because we share our disagreements. If you never disagree or resolve, then how can you know those things, are there some couples that are always forever on the same page? If they claim to be, I think it’s a lie, or they’re so shallow that they have no depth to share. I can say this, it’s MY blog!

Oh well, so there you go, lessons to prepare, house to clean, shopping to be done, work to do, real paying work to do too.

And … no “call to missionary work” for my 18 year-old yet. Pin’s and needles there…

Happy Thanksgiving!

One of my friends says that “it’s a good thing she doesn’t drink”, I think I’ll ….

Sound the Alarms

4:09 am bright blue flash, bright enough to wake me up to the power going off; power on one second another bright blue flash in the sky; lightening? Power off.

5 minutes go by, I can hear an alarm going off in my basement. Uhho, the water alarm for my sometimes flooding window well. I thought, I’d better investigate, but no electricity, dark basement, creeped me out. I got the dog, flashlight, cell phone, and pepper sparay; then set off the security alarm. Ok I got that turned off and was heading down stairs when the phone rings, lucily I have one that works without power in the kitchen. It was the alarm company wanting to make sure everything is ok, it’s nice. So, I’m asking if an alarm will sound in the basement the whole time the power is out. She said yes. However, the power has gone out before without that happening. So, I thought I’d better check the window and the alarm wasn’t coming from the window but inside my furnace room.

So, now I’m thinking that it’s a backup security alarm letting me know the power is out, even though it has cell phone technologie for just such cases. I decided to go back to bed and hope the alarm quit.

I can’t sleep with a steady alarm going off in my furnace room, so I’m thinking about that and then wonder if it’s a CO¹ detector. I don’t want to open the door, but the detector isn’t going off upstairs. I don’t have a way to double check CO¹. Thus, a “non-emergency” call to 911 get someone with a dector in the house.

2 minutes before the firemen arrive the power comes back on and I think that the alarm will go off. So, I reset the security alarm no luck.

Yay, firemen here and I open the door and set off the security alarm again as they head downstairs. I get that turned off and they call me downstairs. One is standing in the furnace room looking at the ceiling, we can’t find the alarm until he kicks it. It IS a water alarm. In just perfect timing my water conditioner was recycling and we have a sump pump for the basement, which doesn’t work without electricity. I’ll have to remember not to flush a toilet down there with no power. So, the brine water flooded the furnace room and I still haven’t gone down to see how badly or how much soaked carpet I have. I just can’t face it.

So, the nice firemen leave and I reset my security alarm go to bed and now I have a smoke alarm chirping away because it thinks it needs a new battery.

Now, wake-up alarms go off on radios and clocks. We all have a backup alarm set on our phones, so 3 phone alarms go off to wake me up; it’s not necessary because I’ve been awake since 4:09.

I’m really tired of alarms going off, but there’s a reminder bell then the door bell; I have to go now.

Spider nest the size of a gum ball!

Last night I looked above the door casing to my bedroom and noticed a white ball atop the casing the size of a gum ball.

Now, I don’t know what size of spider would make a nest sac that huge, but it freaked me out. I got the Raid and sprayed until it was dripping on to the carpet (paper towels now catching what I could). I watched, waited … nothing.

I decided that the Raid had to have done it’s job and an hour later, I took tissue and picked it up and quickly flushed it. I didn’t want to squeeze it, but it felt a bit “rubbery”. I wondered; does Raid do something to spider silk and make it rubbery?

I went to bed imagining a mad mother spider after me, or a thousand little babies walking on my ceiling and then dropping onto my bed. I tossed and turned and didn’t sleep well.

This morning, my 10 year old say’s; “so Mom, was the spider nest pink?” No, it was white, why? His reply; “I was catching gum in my mouth and one time I tossed it up, but it never came down.”

Okay.

Summer …

What has happened to the summers of my youth. I remember waking in the morning, not too early, and not having a plan. No one in my neighborhood seemed to have a plan. Sometimes you’d just go outside and see who was playing and you’d join in. We buried feet, made mud pies, ran through sprinklers, pestered ant piles, caught butterflies (until we found out they would die if you touched them), took long walks to the “little store” and bought penny candy for real, a penny.

After starting the summer off traveling much too much! We did have an incredible time, however. We finally have the summer I’ve been dreaming of. A few family reunions down and none left to go to. No, sports, no music … just books! So, now the summer is ours! Yay! We’ve had a week of waking up to decide what to do, maybe … nothing?

Weed the garden, mow the grass, do some patio/garage/porch sweeping. Hang out at the pool for a few hours.

Here’s another thing, only two people have actually called me that didn’t have to for a reason. L and D. Yep, that’s it. I think everyone has such complicated lives and busy summers so full that they have no time to just call and chat for a bit. If they lived closer to me, I’d bet we get together at one house or another for 2 hours to sit in the shade and drink sour limeade or iced green tea. I miss you guys!

As it is, everyone around me are overscheduled, entertain their children like no tomorrow and I’m just wondering why more can’t come over to play with lego’s or “little guys”, or run through the sprinklers, that’s fun too.

We’ve had some bright moments. Nathan and his best friend did just the above, but only once so far. Andrew has had two little buddies come over and not turn on a monitor of some kind, Andrew has also had the wonderful experience of going to the hospital to play with an ill cousin, they play with little army men and I like that so much more than a screen game. They talk, they interact and have real fun. The pool in the afternoon for a few hours is a blessing too. My children have taken the opportunity to walk up to our “little store” and get a few things, stopping by the park to enjoy their spoils. They’ve had a few fun bike rides (seems pretty hot for that now), but it’s nice.

I love long, hot, un-eventful summers, at home.

Sigh… I’m packing for a trip. Really, I’d rather stay home, my children would rather stay home, my husband would rather stay home. Sometimes you must go, on season, (we like to travel off season). We have a wonderful wedding to attend so that will be nice. In the meantime, the garden will grow weeds, the grass will need to be mowed. I hope I don’t forget to stop the milk man! He doesn’t like to find a weeks worth of exploded milk in my container J

When Little Ones Fall Ill

Nothing overshadows the worry over a sick child.

I think one of the things I’ve observed with friends, children of friends etc… with any type of cancer, is the length of time, before you know if the treatment is working. You can’t decided if time is going too fast or slow.

Three people I know that had a type b lymphoma's have been considered cured. So, I like that and it’s reason to be very optimistic. Still, the fear of the worst lingers.

I know what it’s like to be home one day and be reeling at the Children's Hospital the next. Trying to eat something off the “parent cart”. They have an excellent chef at the cafeteria there and yet the food is just a nuisance to have to consume each day. The difference is, that with the exception of my husband, when I didn’t know what his outcome would be for over 3 weeks, that I usually had some solid answers within 24 hours regarding a sick child.

My darling sister-in-law will have her best resource with the support groups at the hospital, for parents in her shoes and the mothers that come in that have been in her shoes. People that say things like “I wish someone had told me ….” and "something that I found helpful".

I just can’t imagine because cancer is so unique, so she’s in, I think, the best place for all. I have high confidence for her son in their hands as well as family support for them, from the hospital I mean. I know they have “family” support as in all of us and people to help care for their other children, but they need people that have been there.

They know they are loved, that there is an enourmous amount of concern for their family. They know there are prayers being said in their behalf by hundreds in numerous places around the world. They are a faithful family.

I'm at a complete loss for words, I guess I just wanted to make a "post", since I'm not a good blogger. I post this because I want to "DO" something, anything, but, there is nothing I can DO, except offer prayers, support, love ...

Because, really, I want to just "fix it', just like everyone else does.

Oh, how I wish I could!

A Single Incident in the ABC Family

A Single Incident of Multiple Perspectives That Is

Introduction

I’ll be Barb, the mother in the ABC Family. Andy is the father, Conner is a male and the oldest child. Derrick is the second oldest, then Eddie, Frank and finally Greg the baby (9 yrs). They are all male, except of course me, Barb.

The Incident

ABC family is headed toward their hotel after a lovely evening. There are 6 members of the family, only Derrick is missing on this evening. The hotel is quite a walk away after the evenings events, but not far enough to justify hiring a cab. So, it’s a nice jaunt, but not daunting. There is a point in the walk home that I (Barb) fall down. That is the incident.

Frame of Reference

Perspective is a complex thing. Our each individually formed frame of reference, influence, colors and shapes our experiences. I’ll try to express that when I can. However, hey the only frame of reference I have is MINE! History of experience is also what creates our frames of reference. So …

History

Andy has at times in the past taken me on a walk down a street on which he was familiar and I was not. Thus, I, trusting Andy, felt that the street was safe because, why would he do anything other than keep me and his children safe? Well, on more than one occasion, Andy felt as though the street was safe, but as I walked along, I saw dark alley ways, bushes, and I had small children in tow. I didn’t feel safe, but I trusted. After expressing my dismay, Andy pointed out that there was a police station right there across the street. Ok, fine it was there, but not a cop to be seen and the street was still deserted, dark etc. I have to admit, that I was still not comforted and still feel like the street was not safe for my children. Thus, a seed, just a seed of not distrust, but difference in perspective. What I see as safe is not the same thing as what Andy sees as safe. This senario has been repeated many times in our travels.

Thus, the multiple occasions over the years have actually solidified this, I’ve been down many streets, paths etc, that I didn’t feel were safe enough.

Conclusion A) I don’t always agree with Andy on what is a safe area. He does know this fact. Conclusion B) I do trust him, I do know that he is much more confident than me when navigating new cities and he actually is familiar with more cities and places than I am. Therefore, I have the trust factor going high but still the seed of my conclusion A to contend with and re-assess each time I’m venturing in Andy’s footsteps down a new path.

Pace

Andy walks fast, knows where he’s going and often doesn’t share the directions with the rest of the family, he is determined in his quick step and we follow, like ducklings. Because, well, none of us know where were going or how to get there so we keep up. This can be a task as Andy often slows to tell us to keep up or catch up. As I said, he has a quick step and we’re all eager to keep up and keep in step and “not lag”. Lagging does not make Andy happy and we usually want to keep Andy happy, not just, because he’s a bear when he’s not happy, but we truly love him and want him happy and un-cranky with our slow progress.

“Lagger”

Lagger, that’s not a good thing in Andy’s family. It’s true too. Laggers get lost and behind or hold up the entire group. You may not get your place in the Space Mountain line if you lag too far behind, or you could lose sight of the group and get lost. So, don't stop to admire anything, without first notifing Andy because he'll keep going and not notice you're not there.

Topography

Another problem is sometimes the topography of the street itself. Sometimes there are potholes, un-even sidewalks, an in the case of in the middle of the street, there are islands to navigate and even worse sometimes cobblestones which are not good for any size of heel, or bricks. There are even new bricks that are made of cement, and then died and polished to look like brick. These are slippery when NOT wet.

Route

Andy may take a route that I may not be comfortable with, but I’ve always survived them before. It’s usually the pace that get’s me into trouble, running across streets against the light (we’ve had more than one “discussion” on that topic alone). He’ll also cross in the middle of a street.

Route only known to Andy

This is another phenomenon in our family. We all think that Andy has an internal compass, he often even is quite proud of that fact. He does. Really. He often times will get us to our destination with only his intuition to guide him. He’s usually very reliable and thus we often follow and don’t even ask the plan, the route or at times even the destination. So, this is not new or something that someone should ask me, why I didn’t speak up sooner. You don’t question the route! "He knows".

Conner

Conner is my oldest son. He has been down many streets with his father. Andy has given him on many occasions free reign to wander or to find his way. Through cities, airports etc… I am gaining confidence in Conner as he has had a good teacher.

Shoes and Women or Me

I like shoes. I like shoes with heals and shoes that make your legs look pretty. It’s important because I’m only 5’2” tall. I’m short! My husband is tall. Therefore, there are two things, there, I like to be a bit taller for him, so we don’t look so much like Mutt and Jeff and second, it’s helps my short little body not look so short or short and fat if you will.

I do have some experience with walking long distances in heals. It’s not always a positive experience. Therefore, I have devised a few methods. 1. Take a pair of flip-flops along for the walking part. They will fit nicely into a plastic bag in your other bag. 2. If you’re going to walk but not that far. There are some other options. Actually lower heels, like 2 inches or a shoe that has a small platform say 1” and a 3” heel which still means that you’re not standing on your tippy toes, but still have the feel of a 3 inch heel. To a female mind that sounds reasonable, at least it does to mine.

Then the pant leg issue, you have to have heels that keep your pant legs from dragging on the ground and no flats are not business like attire.

Incident Detail

This particular evening, yes it’s dark. Andy, in keeping with his unusual route and no clue as to the topography of the street, he heads forward at a fast pace in order to get through the course as quickly as possible and onto safer ground or streets, hey maybe one with a sidewalk attached to it, or even street lights.

ABC family is on the move, on the way back to comfy beds!

This route had those nice new died slippery bricks. No sidewalk, no lighting and the cars were busy. When the sidewalk ran out, Andy saw his chance to hurry and cross before the light down the road changed. He could make it safely across holding the hand of the Greg. He had left Conner in charge of Barb, they’ll be fine. But Conner, sees that Andy raced across the street, he sees that there is an opportunity before the oncoming cars of the newly changed light will be there. So, he decides that now is the time, he certainly doesn’t want to be a “lagger” either. No, he changes his mind; there really isn’t time and he thinks that, "that car isn't going to stop" (Conner has confirmed that detail), so back onto the side he goes. Barb, on the other hand saw the cars, wanted to keep up with Conner, but oops there come the cars and Conner is back onto the side of the road. One quick step backward, except the foot that stepped forward, now slipped on the slippery brick and down I go. Both knees, the right one harder and my right hand catches my fall. Playbills on the street, I look up and there is the car. Will he see me? Oh, no I realize, I’m only wearing black, what else to you wear to a nice dinner out? Black is the only color. Then I think Conner is there maybe he’ll stick his hand out catch the drivers’ eye and he won’t run over me. My thumb has jammed between two of the bricks and it feels broken. Nothing else hurts though, its adrenaline, fear and hurry and get up and out of the way.

I’m hurrying to get to my feet, but really, if the car doesn’t see me, he’ll hit me, I realize. Conner is there helping me up, he’s stressed, he’s helping, picking up the playbills, as I look at the street to see if my backpack has emptied into the center and stuff fallen between the cracks between the bricks. . The lights stop well short of running over me too and the car beside it must see because instead of racing around the stopped car, it stops too.

A car horn sounds. It appears I’m safe, Conner has my hand we’re crossing in front of the now stopped cars, I shrug to the honk (wherever that came from).

Embarrassed, that is a word.

Glad to be alive washes over me, see in the moment, my thought wasn’t fear, it was “I hope that car sees me”. That was all I had time for. I look up in time to see Andy’s head turn from me back to our Greg holding his hand. It appears to me it was in disgust. I think now though, that was all he saw, the end of a stumble, me to my feet and all cars stopped. He actually missed the whole thing. I didn’t’ know that then. I thought he saw the whole thing. What kind of a man would just turn in disgust and keep walking. What happened, to handing his son’s hand to the other older boy and running across the street to help me across, what if something else hurt, like my now filthy blackened knees???? What if the love of his life was actually hurt? What if she was frightened? So now I’m feeling really sad, didn’t he care?

The group. The group is made of males, greatly influenced by the Alpha male and his inability, due to being a male, not to understand the whole “shoe thing” of the lone female of the pack.

Immediately, there are words echoing in my mind. I wore some shoes in NYC and in the rush (the pace we walk at), I stumbled. I feel another time in NYC, hole really an actual hole in the sidewalk. I had a funky heel on another shoe and fell in an airport in China, only I had my husband’s arm and he caught me. He said I should change shoes. However, then there was a pant leg length issue and I couldn’t wear shorter shoes. Those only have a 1.5-inch heel.

Thus, everyone now has a “Mom’s shoes” frame of reference, except they don’t know why there is this issue. They’ve never explored the whole “shoe thing”.

So, I look and everyone is walking along at the normal fast clip. No worries, “she fell … again”, are the thought in my head.

Then some actually words from the peanut gallery. I can’t even remember what they were; just that there were not comforting words, or are you ok words, but “shoe words”.

I’m feeling like every one in the male groups is actually angered that I fell. Not worried a bit about me. My knee hurts, my thumb is throbbing, I just need to keep walking, because my hip hurts … why didn’t he stop for me, put his arm around me? (later I know that it’s because he didn’t actually see the whole thing), but for now, those are my feelings.

It get’s worse… Now still no sidewalk, cars are stopped at a light. So, Andy decides to cross in-between the traffic that is stopped. Maybe because there isn’t a cross walk at the light, I don’t know. Only 60 to 90 seconds have elapsed since my face was frozen in the headlights. So, there they go, whole alpha male’s group through the cars and onto the island. “Will cars be turning in this empty lane, I think as I make sure not to trip on the island, and step into the street on the other side”

There they are all across the street now and the light has changed and cars beginning to move behind me. I keep walking, I have to, I’m hurt, but not so hurt I can’t keep moving.

“Stop, come back, let’s talk about this, no one is mad at you!” he say’s. “Stop”? I think? Go back, which means I have to take even more steps and I can see my destination. I have to keep moving so I don’t cry and my hip doesn’t quit moving. I can see the hotel, the end is near, why would I stop.

“catch up to me and we’ll talk, I say”, I can’t stop. No one cares WHY I can’t stop, they must think it’s me being stubborn. It’s ok, because I can’t stop.

They catch up, and I say ok, “what did you want to say?”, nothing. Silence. So, how do I interpret THAT? Are they really mad, I thought he just said “no-one” was mad, and yet here he is and he won’t talk to me. Does that me that no one is mad, except, him?

Ok, we’ll march, we go into the hotel. No one is talking to me. No arm is around me wondering how badly I’m hurt. Conner is the only one who saw me in the street, he didn’t even actually see the fall.

My thumb hurts so I have it elevated to stop the swelling and throbbing. Ice? No, because I have no way to keep it on there and it will just melt and run down my arm. Maybe I can sleep. No one is talking to me… then …

Time has gone by and “do you want some ice?”

What? Now you’re talking to me and when I wanted to see what you wanted to talk about after you caught up to ME… zip … nothing.

No, I don’t want some ice. How about cleaning off my knees they’re black with street dirt.? How about, did you get hurt anywhere besides your thumb?

Or what about “oh, honey, I’m so sorry you fell, what happened?” “really, I didn’t see that car almost killed you, you must have been so frightened, here let me hold you close and I’ll hold your arm up so your thumb doesn’t ache.

Nope nothing.

So, anti-anxiety, motrin, ½ ambien, I’m good. Goodnight, actually I fall to sleep almost immediately.

I’ve always been alone. I’m an only child, actually, my psyche is used to it. I have no friends. I do nothing with anyone. I have no one that knows me except one person and she lives out of state. So there you go. No one. Zip. My one and only can’t really get all of this because, well ... he’s a he. So, in this case my only friend wasn’t being my friend.

He’s my only true friend. I have other people, but if I don’t call, I don’t hear from them, oh except the one in Colorado. I have two women that I consider friends, but they have full lives, with their own sisters, brothers and family that really take a lot of their time and oh, they have other friends too that they really spend time with. This is my fault, I don’t need another friend other than … Andy, but when he’s not there … well, there you go.

The next morning, I’m expecting things to be a bit better. We have a nice uneventful day planned. Nothing big, just hang out by the pool and then off to meet friends for a nice dinner and a fun evening show.

Feeling Fuzzy – not the same thing as Groovy

Boy’s head off to breakfast, I decide to skip it in lieu of a nice long hot shower over my aching body. Now my neck is the thing that hurts the worst. Not that I hit it but because those muscles go into full force trying to keep your head from slamming into the pavement (bricks at it were). My mid back, hip and of course can barely move my thumb. The acrylic nail is lifted from the bed, but not broken and nothing is bleeding from it.

Ahhhh, hot shower then off to the pool to lay by and listen to the boy’s chat, swim, play etc… I’ve lost 40 pounds lately and I’m getting used to this new body in more ways than one. I take an anti-anxiety because I’m still greatly up-set over the emotions of the last evening. Andy is off to a meeting, so there you go. Hmm, time to get moving, pain. So, I’ll take another anti-anxiety and an extra ½ just for good measure. I am by the pool after all. And oh, there are these really good back medicines that work wonders but I usually only take them at night because, well you can get a bit dizzy. So, I want the 600 mil. of Motrin, that will mean I have to take 3 of them. No clue what the other stuff does other than, relax muscles, it’s OTC…

Turns out it’s all too much. I think it would have been too much had I not lost 40 pounds, but that made a huge difference. I get my brain relaxed too, so I also get emotional as Andy still has no remorse for his behavior the night before. Now, let me say that I haven’t even expressed to him that he should have remorse. It still hasn’t occurred to me that he didn’t see me fall. He didn’t see the car, he didn’t ask either how I was feeling emotionally. So, I told him only I was mad. How could he just keep walking?

So, emotions boiled over, and only as I write this and try to figure out his perspective, do I find myself realizing that he just didn’t see. Can’t fault him for that. Maybe, I’ll let him read the story and he’ll get only my perspective, because, after all, that is ALL I know.

I’m sure there is a lot more to it, especially his end. But the Motrin stuff did take away the pain even though my head was really fuzzy, I can’t even tell you what I had for dinner. As a matter of fact I can't remember anything from the pool to the beginning of the evening show. Did I talk to anyone? Seriously, zip, I don't remember. Conclusion C: NEVER take 3 of those again, alone, OR mixed with anything.

Life Seasons

We went to dinner to celebrate my eldest son’s birthday. He is 23 now. I am sitting there, looking at him, and remembering this newborn baby. A baby that I just couldn’t get enough of. I would watch him sleep, hold him, and I was just amazed at how beautiful he was, and that he was mine. Well, he felt like mine at the time, I knew he wasn’t really in the eternal perspective, but for the time being, he really was mine. Mine to love, to nurture, to teach, to hold and on and on.

I can so clearly remember his birth; I can visualize him in his crib at many stages of his rapid growth. His first birthday, with a bit of over the top presents and a cake just for him to get everywhere.

I remember every stage, every season of his life and how it meshed with mine. His struggles were mine (still are in a very strong sense), his triumphs and milestones.

So, looking at him across the table and discussing the latest paper he is writing, he is such a young adult.

I realize the influence I have had on him, the influence and great parenting of his father. The responsibilities learned from living in a family where in order to provide his father was away much of the time. I honestly believe in quantity of time as well as quality time, but his father has been a great father and a true example of a man … of the man my son will become. Even in his often, absence he has exerts great parenting long-distance. I’m very grateful for e-mail, IM, Skype, cell phones and videophone abilities. We can’t physically always feel his hugs or arms around us, but I can assure anyone reading this that we feel his hugs, we feel his love, there is no doubt. My son has also taken a great personal duty in being a good big brother, and in many ways emulating his father. Oh, did I mention that I love this man? J

I could list my son’s worldly accomplishments, GPA, Eagle Scout, elections won etc… All of those pale in comparison of the kind of man, father and husband he will become. I so hope for the best of him in those areas, as he is not yet at an age for those things, or I hope he’s not for a while. (I do admit I look forward to grand babies!)

So, it is as I watch my children’s seasons pass, and mine pass right along with them.

I have children in other seasons, so I’ll enjoy those too.

I cannot believe I am old enough to have a son his age; it has just been so fast. What have I done with all of my days? I am sure many have lacked greatly, but when I look at him or one of my other children, I think my days have been well spent.

Civility, Journalistic Ethics

I’ve noticed for over a year now that people are getting “rude and downright nasty” when it comes to discussing political issues.

Most people have their mind made up, but are only aware of one side of the story. How can that be? Journalism at least ethical journalists present an unbiased presentation of both sides of the story. People recently are make statements that are so biased, that it’s easy to tell that they have only grasped or been presented with one view, and they believed it. They have been shown unprecedented edited video, but never the un-edited version. Why didn’t they seek out the other side of the story, it seems unwise to me. However, in their defense, general honesty is what we could expect of mainstream news sources that we’re presented with in the United States at least, well, until a few years ago.

I get a queasy feeling, WHEN SOME ONE IS TELLING ME SOMETHING THAT BEGINS OR SEEKS TO CREATE CONTENTION, OR STIR HEARTS TO CONTENTION, or FEAR which is the opposite of FAITH. That is my first blinking neon light in my brain that something isn’t right, something isn’t Christ-like.

Sometimes and usually where I am, it’s a member of my congregation, family, or church that does this. However, what if it’s a popular nationally recognized person, a person of influence and stature? My first comfort came when Dieter F. Uchtdorf’s spoke this past Easter Weekend. Read it yourself. We have responsibility to love one another, and do unto others... (you know the scripture). We have a responsibility to feed the hungry, take care of the less fortunate, sick, and needy. It is our Christian duty.

I was so excited to read his talk I went to the website and found the most comforting press releases. http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/commentary/the-mormon-ethic-of-civility and then Http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/commentary/journalistic-integrity-and-the-compartmentalization-of-ethics

ok this is the radio station that I listen to. The one that has some common sense journalistic ethics as a standard.

Now I know why, I was confused (again, it was a stupor of thought), thus wrong. I had someone actually say that he didn’t know how anyone that belonged to a certain Party could honestly answer questions to receive a recommend. Wow! If you read those two articles you’ll see why this was … well, whatever it was. Maybe this man is also not so clear on the 12th Article.

Ok, so now, I feel better, and I know why a bad feeling comes when things are wrong. The contention, the strife, the unease, THE STUPOR OF THOUGHT, versus the peace that comes with civil dialogue and exchange of reasonable ideas.

NPR does a great job and it sometimes gives insight into people we know, love and want to help. I don’t always agree, but it helps me to be compassionate, kind to those that are different – even if I don’t understand them. I broadens my perspective and makes it easier to spread the gospel because it helps me to be less judgmental. Oh, I think there was counsel given on that very subject as well!

They’re good reads; I encourage anyone to read publications published with authority. Or engage without malice in the conversation of exchange of ideas, and dialogue dedicated to commonsense solutions.

I know quite a few people that could benefit from this right now. I’m sure you know a few too…. Enjoy the reading! It’s comforting – the opposite of fear or contention. ahhh peace.

... and she never complained ...

Where did that come from and I want to know what husband said that!

I also what to know how it is that, not complaining is seen or said as though it’s some sort of virture. Doesn’t the person that say's that just mean that “she” never “complained” to him? Maybe it’s my interpretation of complain. It’s not the same as “nag” to me.

It’s sharing honest feelings, emotions, heartaches, sadness's, wishes, hopes and dreams for a better tomorrow.

I can say that my husband honestly knows me, who I am, who he married. He knows me and loves me, if he didn’t know all of those things, then who does he love anyway?

I think it’s important to share. Now sometimes, it becomes a “vent” and I will preface what I say as a vent if it’s a vent. It’s not blaming anyone for a situation, because you all know that things are what they are.

I’m sad when my husband leaves and when I “complain” that he has to go again, he never thinks that I actually think he can do something about it. He’s doing the very best he can. He’s doing the very best he can for ME and our children!

So, you may think that I complain when he leaves and I do, but it’s not a bad thing just the expression that I wish he didn’t have to. My complaint actually lets him know that I so wish he didn’t have to leave.

I’ll also “complain” that I’m always on the front line, but there’s that Queen of the Castle thing that isn’t so bad either. Now because I’m on the front line, even if he’s home and the garage door breaks it’s fixed by someone else the same day, I know how to get some things done. He’s happy about that.

So, I right now am feeling sad and complaining that we’re not independently wealthy and that my husband has to work so much and so far away most of the time. I like him in near proximity sometimes. He’s always near to my heart and I can talk to him everyday. I feel lucky that way, not everyone can talk or communicate everyday with their loved ones. So, now my complaint has turned into an expression of good fortune. Yay, I’ll get to chat with him shortly.

Now what I don't usually complain about are things that he can't fix or give me advice on. Like work. We have an understanding, if you need to vent, say that and then go ahead and vent. But if it's something he can't fix or give me great advice on and visa-versa then it's a waste of our precious time to discuss someting that is frivilous to the other, we'd rather discuss WHAT TO DO with this or that problem. I think we're pretty good at trusting eachother to manage our rehlm - him the providing - me "nurturing". There are strong overlaps for anyone that knows us, but he can do his job, I can do mine.

A little solicited advice never hurts sometimes either. So, balance in all things, I guess and I have just been bugged all day, because I've read or heard that phrase and now I know better why it may be my misinterpretation and it surly means "nag" to someone. I don't know, any ideas?

Technology Overload or Maybe Under-load

I sometimes try to teach different software applications to people. Many times, I have had someone, not always older either, become frustrated and feel overwhelmed. They can’t even ask a question, because they can’t figure out what their question is. All they are aware of, is the fact that they “don’t get it”, or are missing something.

I know that there is an underlying piece of the puzzle that they just don’t “see” or “get”. I understand that. That is why I’m usually able to walk them through, hold their hand, until all of a sudden this little light flickers and then suddenly comes on. They “get it”!

Today, I have experienced the same thing. I have been working with iTunes. You know how Apple has this slogan “There’s an App for That”? I’m here to tell you, that it’s a lie. I spent awhile at the “Genius Bar” and guess what, there’s NOT an “App” for about four things that I need. "They" said that Apple finds the simplest way to do something and then trashes the rest, because it’s redundant. Therefore, we’re going backward, if you don’t want to do it their way or if they don’t do it, you can’t do what you want.

I wanted something simple, like sort my “Notes” on my iPhone alphabetically. See, I name them so that I can do that … nope! Latest used is on the top. It doesn’t matter that I just want to go a step farther. I should be able to do that, but only if I want to, nothing required of everyone, just “if you want to”. Well, I “want to” do some easy things and they just said no.

I’ve also heard the term that “Apple works”, is that a ploy on Microsoft’s application suite called “Works”? Because, that isn’t true either.

Ok, so I’ve named names here, Apple, Microsoft, iTunes and iPhone. Here is a question for cyber space, why don’t my text messages and appointment alerts announce through my Bluetooth anymore? I’m fixin’ to take it all back … 30 days, no way, 2 week return policy. See, once you figure out it isn’t you and that there aren’t apps for what you want and some stuff it just won’t do, it’s too late.

So, if you know of an App that will read my texts or appointment alerts automatically through my phone or Bluetooth (which ever I choose) when it comes through, so that I don’t have to look at my phone, please share it. I feel like I’ve gone backward 10 years, not a step ahead.

It could be me and I just don’t “see”, but those people with a tag around their neck titled “Genius” could not “see” either.

Signed,

Frustrated!

Micro-Manage/ed

I feel like I'm mostly competent in the areas that I have to manage. I confess, I am a recovering micro-manager. I'm trying so hard to delegate and let that person, run with the ball. I figure, if they need assistance they'll ask and not just "drop the ball".

Sometimes, I like to be micro-managed, tell me what you want accomplished and exactly how you want it done, IF THAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU. I'll do it that way. However, if I am assigned a task, I can do it, if I can't, have a questions or need help, I'm not afraid to ask.

I mostly don't enjoy having someone micro-manage my tasks. If they wanted it done their way; they should outline "their way" so I have something to follow, or they should do it themselves. Especially; if they're a "hard to please" person or a perfectionist of some kind (since perfection varies from person to person).

This again goes to all of those areas we find ourselves managers. Not just work, but home, community etc...

If you're a micro-manager, work on it, most people don't enjoy it. I'm trying, really I am. The first sting came when one of my son's called me a "control freak". Yep, that's what he said. I thought, "am I really?". I've also taken some informal delegation lessons from my friend Alicia, who doesn't read this :)

Just some thoughts there.

Reality - Weight Watching goes up

I've realized that when my husband is home, I tend to gain weight. Why do you suppose that is?
I have my theories on it. I also know what some of the problems are. I've now posted a not to buy list, but that didn't help so, I think I will never let him go to the store, even for milk, he usually buys something that he knows I love. What a sweetie ...

So, as I manage weight, I'm open for any hints or things that work for others.

Now, about "being real".

It's good to be real. The people that only write about rosy lives and perfection drive me nuts. Mostly, because, I know they're leaving a LOT of things out and they're not being honest. We love to write the accomplishments of our children, but when the tone is that of perfection, it just doesn't fly.

Don't get me wrong, I love to hear about positive things and good choices. It's when everything just sounds all too perfect that you know, it's not.

How about this one, it's typical in management of all sorts. All is well in my department. Why, if it's not? Good management, speaks up, they get adivce, they try new strategies, they make changes. If you make a mistake, it's okay, just own it before it becomes a disaster or very sad failure.

When I say management of all sorts, I mean, Work Managers, Home managers, Church Managers, ALL sorts of Managers!

We all need help now and then to keep all of the plates spinning too. And, by the way, so what if one breaks - there's glue. You just do the best you can.

I've also learned that you don't have to look very far, to be very happy with your own problems. I finally counted my blessings and wrote them down, I read them when I don't feel like I'm accomplishing enough. They make me feel better. So, one thing at at time, I'll look for help in Weight Management and search for advice from the cyber universe.

So,be the best manager you can be, be honest with your work force (children, friends etc..), transparancy is always the best policy - better than honesty, because by not saying something, it's still dishonest.

Just sayin'...

Queen of the Castle

It's been awhile!

When hubby is home, we’re so busy. He left for awhile, I’ll now get to bed on time. The first few day’s he only found 1 expired salad dressing. The last day he tore son #5's room completely apart. Everything out of every drawer and out of the closet and bookshelf. son #5 tried on clothes until he was blue.

I think this is part of ruler of your domain, King of your Castle, kind of thing.

Hmmm, maybe that stack of pants on the top shelf where he can’t reach them, is for him to grow into, thus …. Already, um, organized! I just let him have at it and guess what? He didn’t finish. So I have a hall full of stuff. He left only enough hangers in his closet for what was hung …. And took them all to a downstairs empty closet. Oh, except when I finished the wash I had to make two trips downstairs for hangers!!!!

It’s funny now but not then. Geez.

There is a reason they work outside the home. I’m a firm believer men provide for the family, have domain over the outside of the house and it’s upkeep, the garage, their car and storage room. Oh and if they can, they can cook the meat. (hunt it and kill it too for all I care.)

If they were to organize a kitchen, the pancake turner would be in a cupboard across the room from the stove.

Oh and they are definitely in charge of pine wood derby cars.

Actually, I’m only saying what I wish were true.

I have made all 5 of the pinewood derby cars. My dad tried to help with the last one but when he put the axel in the wood broke so we had to use son #4's car (which I made) and dad drilled holes in the bottom and filled them with lead to bring it up to weight. Son #4 came in toward the bottom and son #5 came in 2^nd of 13 boys’. So, I had some help this year. They didn’t even re-paint it.

I usually bbq the meat, until son #2 recently took over.

I also schedule the outside maintenance or the boy’s do it. (they mow, but I have to hire tree guys). Hubby does do the garage when he’s home. I do the trash with the boys sometimes. I take the car in (since we only have one J) and I do the storage room since son #3 failed in that position.

So, I do it all, including working outside my house which takes about 14 hours a week even though I only get paid for 8.

And… and … soccer L

It begins again … sigh

Oh sigh…

Practices with an Englishman for a coach … so extra long practices “men”

“don’t be a ‘nancy’ RUN! Down field”

And … the freezing cold, no parking, early morning SATURDAY (for crying out loud) games. What is wrong with these people????

Such a great venue to post a vague vent. I think this is what cyber "space" is for ...

no one reads this ... maybe an alien in 10,000 years :)

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